On April 17, 2017, I had my second implant surgery. I had had one the year before, and it was a huge success. The thought of hearing out of BOTH my ears excited me to no end, but there was one caveat. Surgery. I am not gonna lie the surgery hurts like a mofo. After some talks with trusted friends, I scheduled the surgery and then tried to put it out of my head. The days leading up to surgery I completely fell off the Weight Watchers band wagon. I stopped tracking and was eating Ben and Jerry’s like it was going out of business. I finally had to admit to myself….I was fucking terrified. I know that I tend to eat my feelings and I am working on it but the days leading up to surgery was not good. I couldn’t focus on my writing, and I couldn’t focus on reading, and it was just a haze of pure terror.
I got to the hospital and admitted that yes I was about to shit my pants and they gave me a shot in my iv of Ativan. That is some real good shit right there. I have never felt so relaxed in my life. I am gonna have to ask my Shrink to give me some more of that. #kiddingnotkidding
So.. The couple hours I spent waiting for surgery was in a blissed out state. I was all like even Ekart Tolle couldn’t have been this blissed out. They wheeled me into surgery, and next thing I know I am breathing in what I thought was oxygen, but the interpreter failed to mention that it was the anesthesia gas and the next thing I know I am struggling to get awake and I screamed out I WASNT READY!
Then the puking started…It started while I was still under so when I woke up I was puking up bile and dry heaving until I thought my ribs would crack into a million tiny parts.
It seemed that the puking would never end. The nurse was holding my head to the side while sucking puke out of my throat and mouth while the American Sign Language interpreter stood by looking mildly horrified.
And you know what.. I still wasn’t ready… It is like the story of my life.. shit happens, and I am all like waaaaiiiiit I wasn’t ready. There is a lesson in this though. That is..you will NEVER be ready. You just gotta take a deep breath go under, and fucking do it.Write that essay …go on that trip….write that book… Pop some Ativan and get out there and LIVE. Now I sound like a mix of Tony Robbins and Gary Vee…Click To Tweet
Then I was STARVING, so I asked for cookies, and some diet coke and my brain was too muddled to understand that because of all the puking I had done that I couldn’t have anything to drink or eat. I could see the ASL interpreter signing it, but I still kept saying that I want my damn cookies. Finally, the nurse came back with one of those itty bitty 100 calories packs that just make me mad with how itty bitty they are. I mean seriously who the hell came up with the idea of 100 calorie packs? If I want a cookie, I want a real fucking 5 point cookie. I will just count the points and move on. I don’t want three bites of a pretend cookie.
So there I was an extremely sick, pissed off post surgery patient. It was a sight to behold. I think part of the problem was in my HEAD I knew what I was saying, but later my mom told me that it looked like I was manically pinwheeling my arms and croaking out cookies I want my damn cookies!
To say that I did not react well to anesthesia last week would be putting it mildly. I later told friends that the anthesis woman did a piss poor job this year as last year I had no issues. It was harder to wake up this year too. I suspect that they almost gassed me to death, but mom says I just imagine things, but the truth was the experience with the anthesis was shitty compared to last year. So now if I have to have surgery and they asked me if I ever had any problems I can say yes. Heh.
The actual putting the implant in place went great. The Dr said there were no problems with that part. Last year I was out for three weeks, but here I am a week after surgery ready to get back in business. I am working on creating a new writing website. Nothing is on there yet, but I hope to have it up and running by Monday.
I get the processor (the outside part) next week, and I am excited to be able to hear well out of both ears. I have never been able to do that. I look forward to many more Skype dates with those of you who I had the pleasure to get to know.