Genre: Family & Relationships

Guest Book Review: The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works” by Suzanne Venker

Posted April 11, 2017 by Hillary in Book Reviews / 0 Comments

ISBN: 9781618688446
Guest Book Review: The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works” by Suzanne VenkerThe Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage by Suzanne Venker
Published by Simon and Schuster on February 14th 2017
Genres: Family & Relationships, Love & Romance, Marriage & Long-Term Relationships, Self-Help, General
Pages: 176
Goodreads

As seen on Fox & Friends
The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage shows women who have a dominating personality how to love a man.
America is in love with the alpha female. She’s the quintessential modern woman—assertive, razor sharp, and fully in control. Her success in the marketplace is undeniable, a downright boon to society. But what happens when the alpha female gets married?
She becomes an alpha wife, of course.
An alpha wife is in charge of everything and everyone. She is, quite simply, the Boss. The problem is, no man wants a boss for a wife. That type of relationship may work for a spell, but it will eventually come crashing down. Since 1970, just as women became more and more powerful outside the home—more alpha—the divorce rate has quadrupled. And it is women who lead the charge. Today, 70% of divorce is initiated by wives.
Do men just make lousy husbands? Not at that rate, says Suzanne Venker, bestselling author of The War on Men. The truth is that women don’t know how to be wives. Why would they? That’s not what they were raised to become.
But women can learn. There’s an art to loving a man, says Venker, and any woman can master it. An alpha female herself, Venker learned how to be a wife the hard way—through trial and error. Lots of error. And here’s what she knows today—the set of skills a woman needs to pursue a career, or even to raise children, is the exact set of skills that will mess up her marriage but good. No man likes to be told what to do. And no woman respects the man who does.
The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage gives women who are used to being in charge the tools they need to make their marriages less competitive and more complementary. Part memoir, part advice, this brave manifesto argues that while marriage is more challenging for the alpha female, it is possible to find peace in your marriage. In fact, it may be easier than you think.

The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works” by Suzanne Venker was just the book I needed. Being a newlywed and an alpha female myself, it was helpful to read this before I went too far down the wrong marriage path and made the same mistakes that the author did! A few points that stuck out and resonated with me were:

 

 

  1. “People who lack the ability to trust compensate by taking control.” I have had trust issues ever since my boyfriend back in freshman year of high school slept with my older brother’s ex-girlfriend and the whole school knew about it except for me. I wish it didn’t affect me the way it had, but it was during a really formative time in my life and I decided then and there that I would never again be the “stupid girl”. So I hardened my heart and I guess decided to become an ‘alpha female’ so that I wouldn’t get hurt again which has correlated to not wanting to be vulnerable in relationships and taking control when I can’t trust.
  2. Another point Suzanne made was that “no relationship can last if one person is mentally preparing to get burned by the other” and that is what made me decide to change my mindset about my husband, instead of constantly trying to protect myself, I decided that we are in this together have started to be completely vulnerable in trusting him. And honestly he hasn’t given me even a millimeter of a doubt not to, so it is about time (after 6 years of being together)!
  3. “Your attitude is the single most important determiner of your success in life and marriage.” I thought this was quite extreme but honestly quite surprisingly true. Once I mentally let go of my distrust, life has become so much easier because my mind is a lot calmer, not constantly trying to find something wrong. What I used to believe was if I found out about something before it happened, I would hurt less, but even saying that aloud now sounds kind of silly. It is better to trust first until proven wrong than the other way around.
  4. “Ironically the deepest need of the wife, to feel loved, is undermined by her disrespect.” This stuck out to me because of how true it was for me in the early days while we were still dating, in order to prove that I was in charge, I would make snarky remarks or tease him in front of my family and his friends, without realizing that it was causing a rift between us. It wasn’t until he wanted to break up with me and my family started pointing my bad habits out that I decided I needed to control my tongue and start being nicer because no one wants to love someone who is mean all the time!
  5. “Be easy to please and you will be easy to love.” When I read that I was like, yea right I am going to be easy – he needs to earn my love! But Suzanne makes a good point; first off, I am already married so honestly he shouldn’t need to be constantly pursuing me, but also who wants to feel that they need to be on presentation mode all the time? She connects this way of thinking with the American culture that “easy women” aren’t the ideal. This may be true outside of marriage but once you are married it is a whole different situation.
  6. “Culture elevates women in not changing themselves, but that is ridiculous because you need to improve.” No one should change themselves for a man, but once you have decided on a man and in order to constantly be growing in the same direction, one must change! When I first met my husband we were in college, now we are both in the working world and completely different people than we were just 6 years ago. If we didn’t grow and adapt to each other, we probably wouldn’t still be together.
  7. “In the same way women release while talking, men release sexually.” I thought this was an extremely interesting point that isn’t often talked about! If my husband wasn’t around to listen to me and talk to me, I know I would go crazy and have all these pent up feelings, so to relate talking to sex is very interesting to me because I have a tangible way of understanding how he would feel if I were ever to “hold sex” against him or use it as a weapon!

 

Suzanne made lots of other interesting points in her book, which you will have to read for yourself to find out what you relate to most. Overall, it was a very easy and eye-opening read for me, partly because I agreed on a lot of her points, but also it was packed full of useful and actionable items. Definitely learned a lot from it and will be implementing these new insights in my marriage life!

I recently featured Suzanne Venker on my blog, Ladybossblogger.com, a blog that highlights female entrepreneurs via interviews – please check out her interview by clicking here.

Hillary

About Hillary

I am a book lover who loves to read and write. I only leave my apartment for food and MOAR books. I love to meet new people online so don't be afraid to say hi!

Book Review: He Texted

Posted November 6, 2014 by Hillary in Uncategorized / 0 Comments

My Review

I have to be honest. I requested this book because I heard that It was in the same vein as He’s Just Not That Into You. At 21 I thought it was a great book. However I think at 34 I am a completely different person. I wanted to like this book but I have out grown stuff like this. It was entertaining to say the least but at 34 I am not the kind of person to wonder what he meant by this or this or blah blah blah. HOWEVER if I was still 21 I would have given this book 5 stars.

I really think that this book depends on where you are at in your life stage. If you are a teenager or in your 20’s go for it but for people who don’t wonder what a text means or why that hot guy wont friend you on Facebook then skip this book.

one-star
Hillary

About Hillary

I am a book lover who loves to read and write. I only leave my apartment for food and MOAR books. I love to meet new people online so don't be afraid to say hi!

Review: The Case for Falling in Love

Posted July 29, 2011 by Hillary in Book Reviews, LibraryThing Early Reviewers, self help / 0 Comments

the case for falling in loveltearlyreview

This is  a book that was hailed as the anti-self help book. Where most self help books tell you what to do to gain a man (annoying if you ask me) this book goes in the other direction and tells us how the “self-help” culture gets in the way of actually falling in love.

In the first half of this book the author explains how certain books exploited the gender gap leading readers to believe there is something wrong with them if they do not act as if society accords them too. In one section she explains how her friend was reading from John Gray’s “Starting Over”. After she read a few passages this once strong independent woman became so concerned that she was doing everything wrong and started to act in the very manner that drives men off. She shows that these books were written for a time ages past. Instead she shows readers that just accepting yourself and acting like you is the best way to go. She does a through job at disassembling the convoluted gender stereotypes and why they do not work in today’s world.

The second half of the book she explains what to do if you been through a break-up. She treats relationships that have ended not as personal failures but as a way to grow. She states that each relationship teaches us something about ourselves and that we should take the opportunity to grow. She does caution against dating certain kind of men. Namely those who act as we were still in the 50’s.

I found myself agreeing with her. This is the kind of book strong independent woman need to read. After taking apart the self-help culture and poking fun at traditional books on how to get a man or what to do to keep a man she shows that acting like yourself really is the best way to go. This was a refreshing read. I too get tired of hearing that I must mold myself into a cookie cutter of a perfect wife or girlfriend to keep a man. Her overall tone of the book is that somewhere somebody will love your quirks is much needed.

two-stars
Hillary

About Hillary

I am a book lover who loves to read and write. I only leave my apartment for food and MOAR books. I love to meet new people online so don't be afraid to say hi!

Review:Signs Of Life

Posted April 25, 2011 by Hillary in ARC, Book Reviews / 0 Comments

Thsigns of lifeis book was sent to me by the publisher for review

Can you imagine going on vacation and being pregnat then getting a phone call saying that your husband has died? That is exactly what happened to Natalie Taylor.

Signs of life starts with Natalie vacationing in Miami with her family sand her husband. Then the phone call that drew them all back to Michigan where Natalie had to face the inevitable. In mere seconds her life as she knows it is over. She is now a widow and soon to be single mother. This memoir is based on the journals that she kept and details coming back to the living.

The memoir details raw grief. She writes so that you as a reader feels her grief at have so unfair an event happening. She worries that she wont be able to take care of her newborn baby without her husband. When the baby is born it is heim who starts the healing processes for her.

This is a book about coming to terms with the unthinkable and how to resolve it so that you can still see the beauty in life.It is a tale of family love of learning to survive without the one thing you always counted on.

Every day we see her make improvements and we feel like cheering for her. Then she slips back and we find ourselves cheering her on.

having never been married it is hard to fathom what she must have went through. Especially since his death was the result of a freak skateboarding accident. In just one moment her whole life changed.

The book talks of her going to a grief support group and having everyone being older than she is. How out of place she felt. She also goes to a support for single mothers and she felt out of place there also. It wasn’t just her husband that died but a whole way of living that died with her.

four-stars
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Hillary

About Hillary

I am a book lover who loves to read and write. I only leave my apartment for food and MOAR books. I love to meet new people online so don't be afraid to say hi!