9781618688446 The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage by Suzanne Venker
Published by Simon and Schuster on February 14th 2017
Genres: Family & Relationships, Love & Romance, Marriage & Long-Term Relationships, Self-Help, General
As seen on Fox & Friends
The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage shows women who have a dominating personality how to love a man.
America is in love with the alpha female. She’s the quintessential modern woman—assertive, razor sharp, and fully in control. Her success in the marketplace is undeniable, a downright boon to society. But what happens when the alpha female gets married?
She becomes an alpha wife, of course.
An alpha wife is in charge of everything and everyone. She is, quite simply, the Boss. The problem is, no man wants a boss for a wife. That type of relationship may work for a spell, but it will eventually come crashing down. Since 1970, just as women became more and more powerful outside the home—more alpha—the divorce rate has quadrupled. And it is women who lead the charge. Today, 70% of divorce is initiated by wives.
Do men just make lousy husbands? Not at that rate, says Suzanne Venker, bestselling author of The War on Men. The truth is that women don’t know how to be wives. Why would they? That’s not what they were raised to become.
But women can learn. There’s an art to loving a man, says Venker, and any woman can master it. An alpha female herself, Venker learned how to be a wife the hard way—through trial and error. Lots of error. And here’s what she knows today—the set of skills a woman needs to pursue a career, or even to raise children, is the exact set of skills that will mess up her marriage but good. No man likes to be told what to do. And no woman respects the man who does.
The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage gives women who are used to being in charge the tools they need to make their marriages less competitive and more complementary. Part memoir, part advice, this brave manifesto argues that while marriage is more challenging for the alpha female, it is possible to find peace in your marriage. In fact, it may be easier than you think.
The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works” by Suzanne Venker was just the book I needed. Being a newlywed and an alpha female myself, it was helpful to read this before I went too far down the wrong marriage path and made the same mistakes that the author did! A few points that stuck out and resonated with me were:
- “People who lack the ability to trust compensate by taking control.” I have had trust issues ever since my boyfriend back in freshman year of high school slept with my older brother’s ex-girlfriend and the whole school knew about it except for me. I wish it didn’t affect me the way it had, but it was during a really formative time in my life and I decided then and there that I would never again be the “stupid girl”. So I hardened my heart and I guess decided to become an ‘alpha female’ so that I wouldn’t get hurt again which has correlated to not wanting to be vulnerable in relationships and taking control when I can’t trust.
- Another point Suzanne made was that “no relationship can last if one person is mentally preparing to get burned by the other” and that is what made me decide to change my mindset about my husband, instead of constantly trying to protect myself, I decided that we are in this together have started to be completely vulnerable in trusting him. And honestly he hasn’t given me even a millimeter of a doubt not to, so it is about time (after 6 years of being together)!
- “Your attitude is the single most important determiner of your success in life and marriage.” I thought this was quite extreme but honestly quite surprisingly true. Once I mentally let go of my distrust, life has become so much easier because my mind is a lot calmer, not constantly trying to find something wrong. What I used to believe was if I found out about something before it happened, I would hurt less, but even saying that aloud now sounds kind of silly. It is better to trust first until proven wrong than the other way around.
- “Ironically the deepest need of the wife, to feel loved, is undermined by her disrespect.” This stuck out to me because of how true it was for me in the early days while we were still dating, in order to prove that I was in charge, I would make snarky remarks or tease him in front of my family and his friends, without realizing that it was causing a rift between us. It wasn’t until he wanted to break up with me and my family started pointing my bad habits out that I decided I needed to control my tongue and start being nicer because no one wants to love someone who is mean all the time!
- “Be easy to please and you will be easy to love.” When I read that I was like, yea right I am going to be easy – he needs to earn my love! But Suzanne makes a good point; first off, I am already married so honestly he shouldn’t need to be constantly pursuing me, but also who wants to feel that they need to be on presentation mode all the time? She connects this way of thinking with the American culture that “easy women” aren’t the ideal. This may be true outside of marriage but once you are married it is a whole different situation.
- “Culture elevates women in not changing themselves, but that is ridiculous because you need to improve.” No one should change themselves for a man, but once you have decided on a man and in order to constantly be growing in the same direction, one must change! When I first met my husband we were in college, now we are both in the working world and completely different people than we were just 6 years ago. If we didn’t grow and adapt to each other, we probably wouldn’t still be together.
- “In the same way women release while talking, men release sexually.” I thought this was an extremely interesting point that isn’t often talked about! If my husband wasn’t around to listen to me and talk to me, I know I would go crazy and have all these pent up feelings, so to relate talking to sex is very interesting to me because I have a tangible way of understanding how he would feel if I were ever to “hold sex” against him or use it as a weapon!
Suzanne made lots of other interesting points in her book, which you will have to read for yourself to find out what you relate to most. Overall, it was a very easy and eye-opening read for me, partly because I agreed on a lot of her points, but also it was packed full of useful and actionable items. Definitely learned a lot from it and will be implementing these new insights in my marriage life!
I recently featured Suzanne Venker on my blog, Ladybossblogger.com, a blog that highlights female entrepreneurs via interviews – please check out her interview by clicking here.
I have to be honest. I requested this book because I heard that It was in the same vein as He’s Just Not That Into You. At 21 I thought it was a great book. However I think at 34 I am a completely different person. I wanted to like this book but I have out grown stuff like this. It was entertaining to say the least but at 34 I am not the kind of person to wonder what he meant by this or this or blah blah blah. HOWEVER if I was still 21 I would have given this book 5 stars.
I really think that this book depends on where you are at in your life stage. If you are a teenager or in your 20’s go for it but for people who don’t wonder what a text means or why that hot guy wont friend you on Facebook then skip this book.
Around the world, black handprints are appearing on doorways, scorched there by winged strangers who have crept through a slit in the sky.
In a dark and dusty shop, a devil’s supply of human teeth grows dangerously low.
And in the tangled lanes of Prague, a young art student is about to be caught up in a brutal otherworldly war.
Meet Karou. She fills her sketchbooks with monsters that may or may not be real; she’s prone to disappearing on mysterious “errands”; she speaks many languages—not all of them human; and her bright blue hair actually grows out of her head that color. Who is she? That is the question that haunts her, and she’s about to find out.
When one of the strangers—beautiful, haunted Akiva—fixes his fire-colored eyes on her in an alley in Marrakesh, the result is blood and starlight, secrets unveiled, and a star-crossed love whose roots drink deep of a violent past. But will Karou live to regret learning the truth about herself?
My Review: This book is soooooo good! At first while you are reading it it builds up to the final climax and what a climax it is. It gives the story about Karou and how she goes to art classes and what she does with her everyday friends.
The plot is believable. I could connect with the characters and feel empathy toward them. I felt like I was walking down the street of Prague with Karou. I felt that I was her best friend and that she was sharing her life with me. At first it seems to be an ordinary life expect for the part where she works for otherworldly creatures.
Karou often wonders where she came from but no one will tell her. The reader is left wondering this also. It seems she has no parents as she was raised by a creature by the name of Brimstone. She tries to find out more about herself and what Brimstone does and what he needs with all of the teeth that he collects.
Then she meets an angel who is not like the traditional angel but rather a species from another world and she is left wondering more than ever who she is.
The reader knows no more than Karou does. It is not until the end of the book that we find out the whole truth. I cant say more than that as I don’t want to spoil the plot but when I read the last page I was like noooooooo I have to WAIT until the next book comes out?! It wont come out until November but this is one book I will be preordering.
This is a book that has something for everybody. Mystery, romance and intrigue and I am sure we all wonder where we come from and who we are at some point. So don’t miss out, read this book!
This is a book that was hailed as the anti-self help book. Where most self help books tell you what to do to gain a man (annoying if you ask me) this book goes in the other direction and tells us how the “self-help” culture gets in the way of actually falling in love.
In the first half of this book the author explains how certain books exploited the gender gap leading readers to believe there is something wrong with them if they do not act as if society accords them too. In one section she explains how her friend was reading from John Gray’s “Starting Over”. After she read a few passages this once strong independent woman became so concerned that she was doing everything wrong and started to act in the very manner that drives men off. She shows that these books were written for a time ages past. Instead she shows readers that just accepting yourself and acting like you is the best way to go. She does a through job at disassembling the convoluted gender stereotypes and why they do not work in today’s world.
The second half of the book she explains what to do if you been through a break-up. She treats relationships that have ended not as personal failures but as a way to grow. She states that each relationship teaches us something about ourselves and that we should take the opportunity to grow. She does caution against dating certain kind of men. Namely those who act as we were still in the 50’s.
I found myself agreeing with her. This is the kind of book strong independent woman need to read. After taking apart the self-help culture and poking fun at traditional books on how to get a man or what to do to keep a man she shows that acting like yourself really is the best way to go. This was a refreshing read. I too get tired of hearing that I must mold myself into a cookie cutter of a perfect wife or girlfriend to keep a man. Her overall tone of the book is that somewhere somebody will love your quirks is much needed.
FTC notice: This book was sent to me by the publisher
In the beginning of this year I told myself I was going to break out of my literary fiction rut and try new genres. So far I have tried several different genres but have held back trying Young Adult. I cant give a good reason for my hesitation for this expect maybe I thought Young Adult did not have much to offer me. I was sadly mistaken. Young Adult has changed since I was a young adult. So when I found out I had won a prize from Arm Chair BEA I picked three young adult books as the prize and I loved it. This is the first I read of three.
Tankborn is the first Young Adult that I have tried outside the harry potter craze. It is about a girl who is a GEN (genetically engineered non-human) who is given her Assignment. Before she leaves her nurture mother though she is given a strange package to carry into where the humans live.
Her best Friend is a nurturer tasked with the care of human babies. When they realize babies are being taken in the middle of the night they realize something more sinister is happening.
I could see where a young adult especially one who is in some way different (Like I was with a hearing aid when I was younger) could relate to this story. It showed that just because you are different does not mean you are even less important. Even though they are tankborn they are still important in the grand scheme of things.Likewise YA with disabilities have their place in society also.
I also liked that it was the characters that were flawed that had a hand in solving the issues in the book. That showed that people who are different can still be leaders and have strong role models.
The characters are fully realized to such an extent that the readers starts to care about what happens to them. I was rooting for the characters to come out victorious when they were fighting to save themselves and other people.
The story itself was an engrossing one. I found that I couldn’t put the book down because I wanted to know what happened next. The pace was faster than I find in lit fiction. Which is a good thing because I seem to find a lot of books to be dragging these days. Not this one though.
I really liked this book and would recommend it to a YA that has something different about them to show them that they too can find their place and overcome.